Me vs the bathing suit

It’s that time of the year again when the sun is letting us know that summer isn’t that far away. It’s time to start shaving your legs all the way up and think about bathing suit season. Well let me tell you what I think of bathing suit season! I have struggled with bathing suit love since I was a teenager. They are my least favorite articles of clothing I will ever own except the plaid gauchos I had in middle school, those were just evil. Every year whether I am heavy or thin I have the same battle with myself. I hate my body in any and all swimsuits even if I really love the bathing suit. For a long time I thought when I am older and feel more comfortable in my skin I won’t really care about putting on a bathing suit and wearing them in front of people. I mean there are people out there that have all the confidence in the world wearing suits they shouldn’t wear and yet I am the girl wearing shorts and a t-shirt over mine nine times out of ten. Here I am heavier then I have been in years facing summer. The thought of a swimsuit is pretty scary even after losing a little weight. I want to find the confidence that those other have to hold my head high and say,” here I am world in my bathing suit. I am a woman trying to find my healthier self. I may be holding a little more around the bottom and middle then I should but one day I won’t. One day I will be the woman that may turn your head, and make you say ‘boy she looks good for a woman her age, I wonder how she does it’. But for now I am me in a bathing suit trying to find my inner head turner.” I really don’t need to be a head turner. I just want to find peace with my own body while I make peace with my own mind. Every day since this journey has started I look in the mirror and I remind myself: You have had babies, you have had skin cancer, you have scars from accidents, your scars and your shape are part of the road map that you have been on so far. You can change your shape but you will never change where you have been only where you are going. I will be going to get a bathing suit for my body the way it is now. I will embrace the confidence of a man in a speedo to wear my swimsuit in public. I will not worry about what others think of me in my swimsuit because at the end of the day it is me vs my swimsuit and no one else.