Its been a while since my last confession.

It has been a while since my last confession. As much as I wanted to stay faithful to my journaling life got in the way. Funny how that happens. I also confess that I cheated on my eating goals and still managed to lose 19 pounds since this journey began. I hadn’t really changed what I was eating just how I was eating it and I just started working out last week. So I was curious about how I lost so much in this time. One thing I gave up and didn’t really think about it much was negativity. Wouldn’t be funny to find out that ten pounds of my weight loss was negative energy? But I wouldn’t be surprised. Oh sure laugh about it but think of the way negativity feels, it feels like a hundred pounds on your back, on your heart and your soul. When I feel down, I reach for something that I thought made me happy and that was food. It worked for a while but happiness doesn’t come from the grocery store or a drive through. Week before last I found myself feeling a little down and instead of reaching for a bag of chips I went for a walk. On that walk I thought of all the things that made me happy. Family, friends, the dogs, my crafting, spring, really good bourbon, etc. Then I thought about the things that made me feel bad. And my job topped the list and job related themes were throughout said list. Well then I thought about when the majority of all my eating my feelings began to happen and all the alarms went off in my head. Since I have been here I have gained forty pounds. I have also been a person I don’t really want to be. I complain, I get bitter and I had started to stop caring about what I look like, I started to give up. Sure I was looking for other jobs and no one was calling and now I see why. I didn’t put forth the effort I needed to because I didn’t put forth the effort for myself. That was until the job I interviewed for last week. And that was when I realized that even if I don’t get that job, I set myself on a path that will lead to my success. I am better then I give myself credit for. I deserve better then what I have done for myself the past eighteen months. I admit I sound like one of those crazy self-help tapes but hey I am on the rebound from self-destruction, I’ll do what it takes! While I am still at my current job I am going to continue to do my best every day and take opportunities as that come. I am going to take advantage of tools I have to look for those new job opportunities. I will not let bumps in the road of my new job journey cause me to take a different route. I need to stay focused. My goal is not to wait three weeks until my next confession. BUT I am hoping that a new job will get in my way.