The first step is the hardest

Sorrow tastes like potato chips. Anger tastes like brownies. Happiness tastes like a bacon cheeseburger with French fries and a cold beer. To this point this has been my relationship with food only I didn’t see it until I started to really take a look at myself. I am and have always been an emotional eater. In the past twenty some years my weight has gone up and down like escalators in the mall. I could blame my weight gains on my love of cooking but it isn’t that at all. Many people cook and bake all the time and they put on the weight I did in a year. They have a healthy relationship with food, I do not. A week ago I knew that where I was physically was because of where I was emotionally in my life and it has to change. I tried to convince myself that one year changed my life but the truth is my life to this point changed my life. I have not dealt with things that I should have dealt with a long time ago. And this has had a profound effect on me and my family. Enough is enough. I am currently trying to find a therapist that understands my kind of sarcasm aka defense mechanism. The man I spoke with last week said I was a bit edgy and didn’t think we would get along. Not sure he is in the right profession but anyway. While I search for a therapist I am journaling my progress in hopes that those who read it can offer support or maybe someone in a similar situation will find support. I am starting this journey with three simple goals: 1. Repair myself 2. Repair my relationship with my family 3. Repair my relationship with food The first one may be the hardest to do. I pretend like I am not broken but I am and more than likely missing a few parts. I am as of today missing six pounds since last week. This is a small victory but a victory none the less and one I needed. Every day I will make steps to reach my goals and I know I still have a long journey. But it is a journey that is long overdue.